I Can & I Will, Watch Me

I woke up at the end of May realizing that I've lost more than I can count with my all of my fingers. I'm jobless, one of my favourite band members decided to leave my favourite band ever, my grandmother passed away, and when it rains, of course it fucking pours, I thought I found true happiness but it turned out that Cinderella was someone else all along and my Prince was the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood in disguise. On top of that, I had no goals in life as I can't figure out my passion along with my long/short term career goals. In a word, I was W R E C K E D.

But wait, don't be so quick to look at me in despair, all filled with sympathy, so ready to give me the "Why do bad things happen to you" and "You don't deserve this" speeches. If anything, I want you to look at me straight in the eye and say "If you can get through all that, then I too, can battle my own demons".

I won't lie. Some days were exceptionally hard. I don't think it's ever easy having to wake up to the world turning its back on me, to face rejections from people that I don't know, from people that I know, and especially from people who I deeply care for. It definitely ain't a bed of roses to have to wake up every morning hiding from friends, from neighbours and from relatives, pretending that I'm doing fine when I'm in fact, crumbling and stumbling behind the closed doors. But of course, knowing me, I'm not one who lets despair and sorrow fill me for long. So I took solace in sappy love songs (5sos on repeat all day err day). I spent my mornings kickboxing and my evenings jogging. In my free time, I write to fill the void and to ease my pain. I turned to poetry and proses to mend my broken heart. I watched and rewatched sitcoms to tune out of reality for a bit. I reached out to friends to share a laugh or two. I went to the library and picked up self-help and how-to books to improve my hard / soft skills. I sought inspirations from my painful experiences and ultimately, found who I want to be and what I wish to achieve.

So I hereby, thank you. I thank you for my short-lived career, for it definitely wasn't the right path for me. I thank my favourite band for holding it together, to push on and reinvent themselves after all the turmoil they've been through. I thank you for your insistence at cutting the damn cord when your heart's not headed right where I wanted to go. I thank you all, my online and real life friends, for sticking by my side through this painful journey, for I would be absolutely nothing without your kind, generous words. Rejections hurt but they're essential to opening up new possibilities, new beginnings and a new you. Darling, it's not the end. We're just getting started.

xoxo,

Wendy