すばる君へ

I remember seeing that intense passion he has every time he sings. The way he grasped the mic, so tightly, so emotional, so hungry for more.

I remember seeing that immense overwhelming infatuation he had for music. The way he feels the beats stronger than anyone, the way he understood the lyrics deeper than anyone and the way he loves music harder than everyone.

I remember seeing him for the first time. Him standing all the way in front, so tiny on the overbearing stage but it is precisely at that exact moment he shone the brightest.

I remember seeing him playing his harmonica live. How his fingers danced and fluttered, with every strong huff and puff, creating such beautiful tunes only he can deliver.

I remember seeing him smiling at me genuinely. How I'm but one amongst the crowd but he never lets any one of us escape his sight. The way he looked at me with his shimmering eyes all the while constantly mouthing "ありがとー”, like he's seeing me for the first time and also his last.

I remember hearing him call out to me. How he yelled "エイター" with all his heart every single time, putting his hand up on his chest, clutching his heart. Not forgetting that he's the one who gave me this unique name.

I remember laughing at the rumours. It's ridiculous that he's leaving the group because I've seen with my very eyes how dedicated, how much love he had for the band and for all of us.

I remember sitting on my bed, eyes all puffed up crying when it happened. I understood why he did what he did. I knew it must've been hard for him to come to this decision. I want to support him with all his heart. But it's breaking me apart.

I now have to get used to not hearing his wonderful tunes as K8, not being able to see him jamming whole-heartedly with his guitar and harmonica with K8, not having another chance at hearing him scream エイター.

I now have to get used to the recurring pain of other voices taking over his lines, having to see someone else taking over the center spot, having to live with the fact that red is forever gone.

But, this is not the end.

I know he's going to achieve great things. I know he'll come back stronger. I know he's not alone. i'm going to be here, they're going to be here, we're all going to be here.

Thank you for selflessly giving yourself to music, to us, to being an idol for the past 20 over years. I'm eternally grateful for your existence, that out of so many millions of people, I met you. I can't even begin to count the probability of us existing at the same time, in the same era and that we've met but I do consider this as the most amazing miracle and the greatest gift of my entire life. I love you, Shibutani Subaru.